Ekorhi K. Benjamin
Why 'I need space' means more than you think
You've probably been there before: you're dating someone and things are going great, but then all of a sudden they pull away. They become distant and seem to need more space than ever before. What's going on? There's a psychological term for this behavior: dismissive-avoidant attachment. People who exhibit this type of attachment are often the ones who seem to need space when overwhelmed. They view themselves as independent and strong, and they don't like to feel vulnerable or dependent on anyone else.
If you're dating someone who seems to need space all the time, it's important to understand why they're acting this way. In most cases, it's not about you. It's about their need for independence and self-sufficiency.
There are a few reasons why the dismissive-avoidant might seek space when they're feeling overwhelmed:
1. They might not be used to feeling such strong emotions.
2. They might feel like they're losing control of the situation.
3. They might not want to seem needy or dependent on someone else
Whatever the reason, it's important to respect the space that the dismissive-avoidant is asking for. It's also important to try to understand their perspective and where they're coming from.One of the reasons why dismissive-avoidants seek space when overwhelmed is because they tend to have a higher tolerance for loneliness. This isn't to say that they don't feel the pain of being alone, but rather that they're more comfortable with it than most people. Another reason why dismissive-avoidants seek space when overwhelmed is because they often have a fear of intimacy. This doesn't mean that they don't want close relationships, but rather that they're afraid of being too close to someone. This fear can often lead to them pushing people away when they start to feel overwhelmed. They might not even realize that they're doing it, but it's a way of self-protecting from getting too close and potentially getting hurt. There are a few benefits to this: 1. It keeps them from feeling overwhelmed and helps them feel in control. 2. It allows them to process information more slowly, which makes it easier for them to digest. 3. It gives them time to reflect on their own thoughts and feelings, without having to worry about someone else's reactions.
In short, space is a way for the dismissive-avoidant to stay in their comfort zone. And while it might not be ideal for everyone, it's definitely beneficial for them. It's important to be clear about your needs and explain that you need some time and space to process your feelings. Otherwise, your partner may think you are indifferent to them or the relationship, which is not the case. When space is misinterpreted, it can lead to conflict and hurt feelings. It's important to be clear about your needs in order to avoid this misunderstanding.
Finally, If you're in a relationship with someone who has a dismissive-avoidant attachment, it's important to be patient and understanding. They may not be able to open up fully, but that doesn't mean they don't care about you.
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