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  • Writer's pictureAngeli Zhao

10 red and green flags you should not ignore in your relationship

Everyone warns about red flags in a relationship, but what about the green ones?



Red Flags are a pretty widely understood concept by now. For many, red flags are indicators of what we should be on the lookout for on the first date. As a relationship progresses, red flags may even become dealbreakers; a surefire sign to end a relationship.


On the other hand, ‘green flags’ are a lesser-known concept, with many underestimating its importance. Research has proved that we tend to be pessimistic; focusing on the ‘bad’ in a given situation, including dating. Sure, red flags are important to be aware of, however, being mindful of the positive components may result in a multitude of benefits as well. Identifying signs that yell “KEEPER” can make you more appreciative and happy in your relationship as well as acting as a reassurance that you’ve chosen the right person for you.


Red Flags



1. Not honouring your ‘no’

Respecting boundaries is a salient and much-discussed topic in relationships. If your significant other pushes your physical boundaries, even in innocent ways, it may mask the fact that they do not respect your invisible lines- that is your privacy and morals. Boundaries generate trust and security within relationships, making us feel appreciated, valued and validated. If they don’t respect this, it would be worthwhile reinterpreting their intentions.


2. Emotional outbursts that make you feel unsafe

Most of us have had the urge to bury our faces in pillows and scream. However, if your partner breaks household items or punches walls during arguments, it may be an indication that this type of aggressiveness may escalate in the future, and your own safety may even be threatened. Lack of anger management segues too commonly into abuse, and so any aggressive behaviour is an unquestionable sign to end a relationship.


3. Not respecting your ‘you time’

Although many have the misconception that more time spent together will lead to more closeness within a relationship, alone time is both necessary to preserving your individuality and maintaining a sense of balance. If your significant other either displays discontent towards your ‘me time’ or is overly possessive in wanting you near them 24/7, it may be a sign that they want to control and take over your independence. In the long term, this behaviour can become very problematic.


4. They are prejudiced

Whether they express racist, sexist, homophobic views or microaggressions, these are all telltale signs of disrespect or immaturity. In the long term, this may transpire into a multitude of abusive behaviours. Furthermore, prejudicial behaviours shed light on a lack of empathy, bias and unwillingness to communicate. This is especially true if they become defensive or are unwilling to grow after you acknowledge this issue. Though some may treat this as rather a ‘pink light’, it can lead to a myriad of problems later on.


5. Conflicts remain unsolved

No relationship is perfect, and all have conflicts. If your partner avoids having difficult conversations and treats addressing conflicts like a plague, then it may be a sign that they are unwilling to compromise and communicate to resolve problems that are bound to happen.


Green Flags


1. They involve you in their long-term plans

A relationship involves commitment, and commitment involves thinking ahead. A great way to tell if your partner is truly committed and thinking long-term, is to see if the involve you in their long-term plans. If you have long, honest conversations about the future, then congrats, your relationship has long-term potential. They’re a keeper!


2. They communicate that they care, even when you’re not spending time together

When a relationship first blossoms, you most likely will not be with them 24/7. If that’s the case, spontaneous messages at random points during the day, calling you when they sense you’re upset- are all great signs that signifies they want to make you feel valued and at ease even when apart. Plus, knowing that your partner thinks about you builds trust and is testament to the fact that they implemented your wellbeing as routine.


3. They're respectful to people in the service industry

Did a flashback occur there? Mayhaps it was that disastrous first date where they shouted at a waiter for getting their order wrong, or that time they gave the Lyft driver a bad rating out of spite; regardless, being respectful to people working in the service industry says myriads about a person's attitude towards social structure, sense of entitlement, and abuse of power. If you have never seen your partner have a meltdown due to an order gone wrong, then add this to the list of your partner’s positive attributes.


4. Silence feels comfortable

We often find ourselves racking our brains for something to say so as to not make a conversation ‘awkward’. First dates, small talk and conversing with acquaintances are all perfect examples of this in our daily lives. If you and your partner can sit in silence and enjoy the simple delight of having company, then that is a definite green light.


5. They can say ‘sorry’

They can apologise wholly and genuinely, acknowledging that they made a mistake and that it will not be repeated. They understand that their flaws have led to consequences and want to make it up to you. They’re able to put their pride and ego aside and admit simply, they were in the wrong for this one. If your partner is up to that task, then show them some love today.



Although it’s important to take note of these occurrences, ensure that this list is only used as a guide and keep in mind that each relationship is circumstantial and depends a lot on the surrounding environment. Taken with a grain of salt, these points regarding the red flags and green flags in a relationship can be surprisingly beneficial and impactful.

 

Disclaimer: The information provided here is for general informational purposes only. Please do not use the information provided here as a replacement for therapy or professional advice. For the full disclaimer policy, please refer to www.flamme.app/disclaimer.


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