take the 16 Lover Personalities quiz
get flamme app
Questions for Couples

12 questions for married couples 💍

For couples with years on the clock: questions that revisit dreams, renegotiate the ruts, and rediscover the person sitting across the table you technically already know everything about. (You don't. That's the fun part.)

draw from the married & long-term deck 👇

If we renewed our vows tonight, what's one new line you'd add?

12 cards in this deck

the full list

All 12 married & long-term questions - screenshot friendly, steal freely.

  1. 1. If we renewed our vows tonight, what's one new line you'd add?
  2. 2. What season of us has been your favorite so far?
  3. 3. What's something we used to do constantly that you miss?
  4. 4. Which household argument do we keep having that we should just laugh about now?
  5. 5. What have I gotten better at since we got together? Be specific.
  6. 6. What's one adventure we keep postponing that we should finally book?
  7. 7. How have your dreams changed since we became an us?
  8. 8. What do you hope our kids (or the people who look up to us) copy from our relationship?
  9. 9. When was the last time I surprised you, really?
  10. 10. What's a tiny daily moment with me you'd miss the most?
  11. 11. If we could redo our wedding day with zero budget limits and zero opinions from others, what changes?
  12. 12. What's something you want us to still be doing at 80?

how to use them well

assume you don't know

The long-term trap is answering for each other in your heads. Ask the question as if you met recently - people keep changing, even the one whose coffee order you know.

revisit annually

Answers to 'what season of us was your favorite?' change every year. Some couples keep a shared note and compare answers over time - a private history of the marriage, one question deep.

appreciate before you renovate

Alternate maintenance questions ('which argument should we retire?') with appreciation ones ('what have I gotten better at?'). Gottman's research puts the magic ratio of positive to negative interactions around five to one - question decks count.

good questions, answered

Ones that fight autopilot: 'What's something we used to do constantly that you miss?', 'If we renewed our vows tonight, what's one new line you'd add?', 'What do you hope we're still doing at 80?' Full list above.

more decks

get one great question every day

Flamme deals you both a daily question - answer privately, reveal together. 1500+ questions deep.

scan to get the app 📱

Point your camera at the code - it opens the App Store or Google Play on your phone.