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  • Writer's pictureAngeli Zhao

Is your relationship becoming “boring” and how do experts recommend reviving it?

How to identify mundanity in your relationship and tips on breaking out of it.


Everything was going well: avid texts, romantic rendezvous - it felt like a dream come true. Then, the curiosity and the attraction started to slip…


The frequency of conversations is lessening, you are less excited, even dreading your next date. You feel a desperate need for the sort of connection you used to have with them, a revitalization of what is now merely a shell of the once perfect relationship.



Don’t worry, many experience this phase. It may be overstated, but all relationships go through ups and downs. As clinical psychologist Stone Kraushaar puts it, “Issues are a part of life and a part of being in a relationship”.


Identifying the Signs

1. You are making less time for them

A sense of dwindling communication hangs in the air. Whereas before you may have spontaneously sent them a cute message, or asked their opinion about a random topic, you are now unwilling or less eager to share details of your daily life to them.


2. Communication is minimal or often negative

If you are living together, you might find your relationship dissolving into what is more of a “friendly roommate” situation. If you aren’t living under the same roof, it could be that you’ve lost interest in how they are doing during weekdays.


3. There are fewer fun moments

Sure, it’s normal for relationships to grow more comfortable and steady over time. It’s expected that intense passion subsides over time; however, if you are feeling continuously uninspired in your relationship, it may be a sign to intercede.


4. You find yourselves bickering more, or you have stopped arguing at all

There lies a paradox in healthy relationships - most involve arguments. Of course, fights are kept at a frequency and degree that leads to empathy and improvement instead of antipathy. If you have stopped completely, it’s usually a sign that you’re not willing to dedicate energy to understanding your partner better.



Ways To Revive Your Relationship

1. Change how you think about them

Remember who you fell in love with and have a think about their best qualities. It could be that they haven’t displayed to you the side you fell in love with for a while. If that is the case, family therapist Woodward Thomas recommends making a “gratitude list” of your partner’s strengths. Another overstated but accurate saying: “nobody is perfect”. Your partner will have periods where they are stressed, an


2. Put more effort into dating them

Regardless of whether you are married or not, dating them - going on fun dates, cheesy texts, impromptu hugs - are great ways to revitalize a relationship that seems stagnant or less vivid than before. Think about how you used to treat them when you were trying to win them over, moreover, act and treat them how you used to. With time, this may just be the key to rekindling your relationship.


3. Talk to them

Sure, it may seem obvious; however, many couples tend to forget to sit down and productively talk to each other over time. Communication is the only way to explain to them what you are feeling and what your needs are, but the emphasis on productive communication is salient - ensure that both parties are doing enough listening and eventually, fixing.


4. Ensure you are on the same page as them

If your partner is unaware of how you are feeling, ensure that you let them know how you feel the issue can be resolved. Combatting it together and working alongside them will make the revival easier and way more effective. Above all, one-sided efforts will only lead to more loneliness and border the signs of a toxic relationship.


5. Avoid the “four horsemen” in relationships, especially now.

Research conducted by Berkeley University concluded that Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling are the elements that promise a relationship disaster. If you and your partner are experiencing difficult times, it may be salient to remind yourself of what not to do.



Just because you feel lost within your relationship, that does not denote that a grave has been dug and a headstone marked. Think of it as a fever; though it feels horrible, it can still be restored with work and ameliorations. It begins with identifying the signs and eventually can be resolved with effort.

 

Disclaimer: The information provided here is for general informational purposes only. Please do not use the information provided here as a replacement for therapy or professional advice. For the full disclaimer policy, please refer to www.flamme.app/disclaimer.


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