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  • Writer's pictureAngeli Zhao

Not going green - How to deal with jealousy in your relationships?

“Who is she?”, “Why is she texting him so much?”, “Is he cheating on me?”

We’ve all been there: Overthinking minor details, inventing scenarios in our heads, second-guessing our partner’s actions. Although some say that there is no love without jealousy, that jealousy is simply reflective of our fear of losing our partner, we forget that it is also correlated with our own insecurities and more deep-rooted issues.

The truth is, that irrational and excessive jealousy can devastate any relationship: It opposes the 5 disciplines of love by making the discipline of unconditional love and compassion impossible to sustain, disabling us from building trust in relationships. It creates tension through continuous suspicion, straining the feeling of autonomy and freedom within relationships. Jealousy stems from a fear of losing your partner, which frankly, sheds light on a myriad of hidden troubles you and your relationship may be experiencing.

Overcoming Jealousy

Whether you are experiencing jealousy in a relationship with a romantic partner, friend or sibling, the relationship is bound to suffer if your feelings are left unchecked. Here are some ways to overcome jealousy:

1. Develop A Healthy Attachment

It’s important to realize that a relationship should involve a healthy amount of attachment, whether that be spending time together, hanging out or showing affection. Furthermore, a hallmark of a happy relationship also requires both partners to be truthful, faithful and committed. Therefore, prioritize developing a healthy attachment with your partner first.

2. Acknowledge it

You can’t resolve a problem without acknowledging it. A suitable discussion can only be held with your partner after pinpointing the reasons for your feelings and communicating ways to move forward. Subsequently, delving deeper into your reasons with your partner may prevent miscommunication.

3. Identify the source of your insecurity

Provided that your partner has not given you a plausible reason for being jealous (i.e cheating or lying), explore the reason within yourself. Is it unresolved childhood trauma? Fear of abandonment or betrayal? Idealized or unrealistic expectations of relationships? Though there are a myriad of possible reasons, identifying the source will make the healing and mending process a lot easier

4. Cultivate Security

Many seem to dismiss the significance of those in a relationship who are the receivers of their partner’s jealousy. In reality, both partners need to put in effort to cultivate a sense of security. If your partner has conveyed valid reasons they feel insecure, ensure that both you and your partner actively strive toward strengthening comfort and trust.

5. Build Self Confidence, Practice Self Care and Learn to Self Love

Regardless of whether your partner reacts well to your jealousy, it’s paramount that you recognize the insecurities that hide behind the veil of jealousy. Whether you are experiencing insecurity in a relationship or scrolling through Instagram posts of beautiful people, mastering jealousy starts by looking at yourself. It may come as surprising, but many disregard the importance of building a healthy relationship with yourself. In the long term, self-love takes time and everyone approaches it in different ways. Some ways you may find helpful include: unfollowing celebrities for a week(or taking a social media detox), employing help from your partner and listing things they love about you, investing time into your hobbies or practicing positive affirmations.

Whether you are trying to overcome jealousy in the spirit of building a healthier relationship with your partner or simply to combat personal insecurities or discontent with your self-image, take comfort in knowing that you have already taken the first steps towards the remedy.


Disclaimer: The information provided here is for general informational purposes only. Please do not use the information provided here as a replacement for therapy or professional advice. For the full disclaimer policy, please refer to


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